i already hear my dad disowning me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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