She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
