My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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