well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there's paper in my vomit.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
