She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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