I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
