Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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