I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
