cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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