i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it because I queefed?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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