Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
