why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
