This girl is more easily done than said...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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