if only i could text you this smell
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
