oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
