D3 body, D1 cock
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
