No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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