well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
