Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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