you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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