Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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