I think I am morally bankrupt
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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