i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
