I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
