Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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