my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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