dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
