I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
