i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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