this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
