new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just gift wrapped bread.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
