y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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