Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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