I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
