i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
