he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
