I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My penis needs a shock collar
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have aggressive nipples.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
