he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
