Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
