Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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