Sorry, I don't speak sober.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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