i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Barsexuality is the new black.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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