Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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