My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
