Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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