Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere