Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam