Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

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  (317): I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people http://tfl.nu/qth2
  Replies (34) Good night (6731) Bad night (956)
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  (818): View more from California

  Its about making memories worth repressing

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  (818): Its about making memories worth repressing http://tfl.nu/5fiw
  Replies (1) Good night (2756) Bad night (613)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.

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  (253): She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much. http://tfl.nu/wscf
  Replies (21) Good night (8501) Bad night (824)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (6036) Bad night (700)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.

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  (770): I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted. http://tfl.nu/ar9e
  Replies (7) Good night (775) Bad night (4098)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.

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  (786): i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot. http://tfl.nu/tkrk
  Replies (19) Good night (1003) Bad night (4457)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...

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  (708): For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night... http://tfl.nu/rl66
  Replies (9) Good night (3347) Bad night (817)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

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  (203): he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs. http://tfl.nu/0b7z
  Replies (18) Good night (5386) Bad night (1272)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

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  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (1127) Bad night (4128)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day

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  (985): I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day http://tfl.nu/t2zq
  Replies (10) Good night (3455) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.

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  (602): Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds. http://tfl.nu/km98
  Replies (5) Good night (673) Bad night (3077)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.

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  (419): Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing. http://tfl.nu/8u2a
  Replies (14) Good night (1386) Bad night (477)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight

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  (302): I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight http://tfl.nu/n5g0
  Replies (6) Good night (805) Bad night (528)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight

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  (717): But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight http://tfl.nu/x4t9
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (199)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...

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  (510): I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night... http://tfl.nu/bk6r
  Replies (1) Good night (399) Bad night (223)

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