I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
