You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.