My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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