no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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