Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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