i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
