Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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