I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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