I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
