I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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