Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
