I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need water and some morals
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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