My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
