You really coming over, don't trick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
