OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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