mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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