haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
