; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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