THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
